my grade 8 piano practical results are back! with an unexpected merit of 122. didnt think I'd get that mark, considering that I reckon I screwed up the exam.

oh and I handed up my 3 music compositions! at 5.40pm today. lol. cooped myself up in the recording room yesterday and today just to key in the compositions. the finale software doesnt like me. it kept bailing on me yesterday so I couldnt finish keying-in the pieces. frustrating. but at last, it's done! but my 3rd piece is a mess. meant it to be a choral piece, then I couldnt find suitable lyrics to put in, so I made it into a string quartet, and it sounds pretty horrible. reduces the effect of the music a lot. probably have to rewrite it after I get it back.

it's just the way she downgrades me, like I'd forever be on a lower tier than her. just the way she teases me about the most mundane things that I've gotten used to a long time ago, just her tone in the way she treats me like I'm some bloody loser. worst part, is that I can't break away, for reasons. you'd understand the reason if you knew. it's the suckiest feeling anyone can have, like you're not good enough, though deep down, you know that theres someone who accepts you for who you are, and that's God. mannn, I dont even know what I'm doing, still hanging around like some kind of subconscious robot, like I'm afraid of what people think of me. when really, I shouldn't bother. but I can't help noticing that she doesnt need to try to get accepted, she doesnt need to try to accept. just one of those things that bug me. and I have no idea where this is going.

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oh and on a current note, I'm sorry to direct the following paragraph to someone pretty obvious, because seriously, I can't stand it anymore.
there's a whole lot of things that I could say to you. but somehow, every time I make up my mind to be nice, somehow whenever you walk in, it just keeps crashing down. why's it so hard to be nice to you? there's just something in your voice, that annoys the hell outta people, you know. and I hear that you dont get the concept of sarcasm either, and I've got proof of that. you're full of redundant, repetitive, rephrased questions, THAT DONT MAKE SENSE. and quit apologising so much, just gets people's blood boiling. and you do not want to cross me right now. reckon your tongue runs faster than your thoughts, so can you just freaking slow down and THINK before voicing out whatever you happen to have in your noncomprehendable mind? time and again, people have tried to tell you that you're full of (insert any word here) but yet you just brush it aside with a "heck care". like I said, you cant heck care everything. and it matters when we're being stuck with you with the next one and a half years. it's not like you're a bad person, you can be really nice when you want to, but in class, for some reason, it just gets plain annoying. and not just annoying, it's the bang-my-head-on-the-wall annoying. newsflash: no one's listening! and I told you not to annoy me, we had an agreement over a certain bloody goat's heart in the bio lab, as I recall. and as I recall, you agreed not to annoy me. well, bang-up job! oh that's sarcasm by the way. I'm trying to make this paragraph in a balance tone, so it wont be offensive, but seriously, I think it's time for you to start caring about how you're acting towards people.

and of course, I'm not the best example either, but hey, at least I acknowledge it.

eternal-flame blogged at 7:44 PM