WE GOT GOLD WITH HONOURS FOR SYF!!!!!!!
whoa that's something big, but strangely enough, when I got the news (from michelle who was screaming down the phone) I was just like "oh. okay." no big reaction, no urge to jump sky-high. neutrally happy that we managed to attain that standard. I think it has something to do with the way performing arts work. in performing arts, it's not how other people view your performance, instead, it's how you view your own performance. other people can come up to you and say "that was a great performance!" and be utterly happy, but in the end, if you feel that that wasn't your best performance, nobody else's opinion is going to make you happy, or satisfied and you're going to walk away sad. ultimately, you'd be competing with yourself. even if you got the highest award, if it wasnt the best performance, it feels like you're cheating the audience. if you've given less than your best, if your mind floated somewhere else and you were driving on autopilot, then regret follows you right off the stage, because you didnt leave everything on stage. you weren't present there, because you weren't cherishing the moments on stage. and now that moment is gone, and is never coming back. it was a great moment, and attaining gold with honours, I should be considering it the performance of my life. only for me, it wasnt. didnt feel like it.

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on a lighter note, on saturday, went for FUSION. kinda scared of these kind of mass gatherings, which is why I was considering and reconsidering whether I wanted to go for it, in the end, cla managed to persuade me to go, and I called a few people so I wouldnt turn back, because something like that is going to result in me not going if I keep thinking about it. still freaks me out, because suddenly everyone was crowding to the front and all that. Desperation Band was there, and the whole thing was mostly worship, and the $2 cup thing got me thinking, you donate $2 for people in need, and you supposed to use the cup to remind you of the huge blessings you got that others dont have. but y'know what, after most of the people went and got the cup and gave $2, I heard people asking "okayy so what do we do with this cup?" and I was thinking, so what's the point of getting the cup if you dont know what to do with it? kinda makes it a bit pointless, because that $2 doesnt really mean anything anymore, and you're just slipping back into the old routine, because you're not really changed or inspired to help others in need.
so my purpose that night was not the theme of the night [Out to serve, open to give, raised to worship]. because I'm still figuring out what to do with my life, which direction to take, I was just thinking, that God's granted me this affinity to music and the arts, so I just prayed that He'd use my music to bless others. I'm still unsure about it, but God's gonna use me for something bigger, pretty sure of that.

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and I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time today. was in the recording room, doing compo, and then mr ong came in with all the photography equipment, then mrs chan came in and asked me to be in some photo promoting mep, holding a flute. so she got some strings people to come in and sit at the computers, and pretend to be doing work, got a stand and fake score, and asked me to hold the flute, while they took photos. -.- excellent. and I bet the photo is not something I would want to remember.

eternal-flame blogged at 5:40 PM